Grabe pat you’ve been throughhhhh a looot of ups and downs .I know that you’ve struggled, lost a friend, failed, lost motivation and focus, but still youre here alive and kicking.
Grabeeee and wow. That would really describe kung anong nangyari sakin, sobrang dami kong nafeel.
But instead of ranting.At the end of the day i should be thankful for all the blessings that i have and will be receiving, there are things na i’m taking for granted,there are things na akala ko bakit of all people ako pa ung nakafeel ng ganito , but then maiisip mo na oy ang babaw mo, masyado kong in-stress ung sarili ko masyado akong nadown lalo na ngayong third year ako, nag self pity ako, self doubt lahat na , what if ganito what if ganyan, pano kung hindi ko na kaya , pano na ung mga naniniwala sakin na kaya ko.Like gusto kong gumawa ng version ng sarili ko na puro positive lang ung sasabihin sakin, kasi siguro kung may meter of negativity na mag me-measure ng sarili ko lagpas na ko sa range.
I almost quit, I almost tried doing “that” thing but, natakot din ako. It was just a phase in my life.The problem with me kasi, is that when something bad happen, parang if there was a box full of my own negative thoughts i’ll drown myself there hanggang sa mabaliw na ko , i will try to be positive and all kapag kasama friends and family , but when everyones gone, I’ll just stay in bed and magkumot na ko tapos ag play na ko ng sad songs.Totoo ung sinasabi nila na halos lahat daw ng nagsstay sa bed is malungkot, since nagstart ung third year ewan feeling ko gumuho ung cheerful side ko, i mean kita mo pa rin siya sa pang-labas pero sa loob, girl onti na lang.Sobrang ang unhealthy ng utak ko ,physically(tumaba lalo,stress eating), mentally(failed quizzes and subjects), emotionally(nagkaron ng emotional breakdown) and spiritually( i even questionned Him “why now?” when everything is right around the corner, kung kelan malapit na ko sa finish line?).
I cried. . and cried a lot of times to my mom, and when i’m alone. sobrang frustrated ko.Pero nung nangyari lahat ng yan lalo akong mas napalapit kay Lord, every worship ko naiiyak ako, humingi ako ng tulong na sana mawala ung ganitong nararamdaman ko kasi feeling ko onti onti akong kinakain.Tapos yun , he never fails to listen.Siguro oo nga may rason kung bakit ko uulitin to, may rason kung bakit nangyayari mga bagay na di mo inaasahan.Mas napalapit ako kay Lord.
Gusto ko magsorry, kasi kailangan pa mangyari to bago ako humingi ng tulong, sorry po. Lord thank you at hindi mo ko iniiwan tuwing kumakatok ako sa inyo, Thank you Lord, sana po ay patuloy niyo lang po akong gbayan at yung mga taong nagmamahal sakin.Bigyan niyo po ako ng lakas sa lahat ng bagay na tatahakin ko.
I would also like to thank my chicas/friends, thank you for always being there for me,for accepting who i am and for accepting my weirdness,and my uhhm singing prowess hahaha.Di ko maiwasang isipin na, what if magkakasabay tayo mag-intern?(putek self pity na naman haha) what if same tayo ng center? and iisang dorm lang tayo? medyo real world na ung internship lalo tayong magiging mas close you know hang outs and maybe i can continue and let out my “forbiden kwento”, iba iba personalities natin pero nag-click lang tayo.Thank you chicas for making me laugh, siguro iniisip niyo is baligtad kasi ako ung nagpapasaya sa inyo pero seriously makita ko lang kayo masaya na ko,ung tumatawa lang tayo ng walang dahilan or maybe kahit mababaw lang masaya na ko,pero ngayong nagttype ako medyo nakakalungkot pala,tsaka mamimiss ko ung adjustment period natin sa isat-isa, gusto ko sana mag cover ng song ung matino ah kaso tinatamad ako.Diba lagi ko kayong tianatanong kung 5 years from now where do you see yourself? eh kaso walang nagtatanong sakin puro sagot lang kayo kainis haha.I don’t know maybe after i passed the boards baka mag med, or maybe working in a “prestige” hospital haha, or maybe i will just live in the moment and go with the flow.I’m writing this down kasi for sure di ko to kaya sabihin sa harap niyo ng hindi umiiyak you know naman “hoooo nakakaiiyak”.Basta after ng reaserch/thesis natin sana close pa din tayo and sana makapag-vacation din tayo and makapag-swimming soon.And uhhm nahihiya ako kapag tinatawag niyo kong boss hahaha parang siga lang.And uhhh alam niyo super dami kong plans for myself like sabi ko dapat by this time ganito ganyan pero at the end of the day di rin siya naaayon sa plano ko masakit malungkot .”si ash” but, maybe the Lord has bigger and greater plans for me.
I’m sending my cyberhug and my sweet caressssss(to hold me in the darkness tonight you calm my restlessness you relieve my sadnesssss hahaha) to all of you love you chicasss and yes missssss ko na kayoooooo 🙂
its 1:55 na.again happy birthday self,you’re 19 na.always remember na when things dont go the way you expected, God has bigger and greater plans.
ALWAYS PRAY ,AND ASK GUIDANCE TO HIM 🙂
It’s been really a loonggg time the last time I posted something here, so just a complete recap about my life the past 2 or 3 years I’m on my third year college incoming intern wahhhh I can’t believe it’s happening I’m claiming it * crossed fingers* I hope and I believe. You know what I feel good today I just watched Sonia’s vlog about her pregnancy and her background song really stuck in my headd it just felt so good, especially the lyrics. The title of the song is Learn to Fly by: Bob Bradley,Matt Sanchez and Sarah Wassal.
Everything is just falling into their right places, Kuya is graduating this march, my mom finding her true happiness, my internship, I still need to fix three subjects and I’m good to go gahhhh.
Writing this post , I’m trying not to be pessimistic. What I learned about in college is that stress is always there, as in, Laboratory works, manuals, quizzes and the such, But our guidance councilor said during stress management, ” If you can’t avoid stress you have to adapt to it”, and sometimes it works sometimes it don’t. During my Third year , 1st sem, stress came in like a , yup, wrecking ball :)I got a lot of failed subjects, failed quizzes, failed friendships. I did breakdown , I cried to my mom, asking her where did all my efforts go, aren’t my profs seeing what I’m doing?, I got mad and depressed that stress and depression took place all over me, I even begged my prof to pass me. I even lost a friend,our problem is miscommunication, or theres a small problem that I let it become bigger and bigger until boom, tip of the iceberg, up until now I don’t know if its my fault or her, were okay now but the friendship is gone, we talk and smile but that’s it, I can feel that she wanted and I wanted to talk about what happened but nahh I think were better off this way, Theres a quote in facebook that said, ” You miss someone , but you dont want to go back to it”, I guess I just missed our moments.
If you let stress, depression and negative thoughts take all over yourself, nothing good will ever happen.Trust me based on my experience, ahhhhh.But atleast I got to experience it hahaha.
If that happened Talk to your mom and most importantly talk to God. Our relationship to God really becomes tight when were experiencing this kind of situations.If you failed your exams, friendships, relationship and the such just follow my mantra.Accept,Let go, Have Faith.
Accept that failure is just normal, it’s part of our life it teaches us a lesson.If you’ve felt that you’re lost or you’re a failure, or maybe you don’t know if the path your taking is right, Just take that freaking path, take a leap.Whenever I go home from Angeles to Olongapo everything you see is just a forest like pathway,theres a lot of trees and flowers and as you go along the way there’s a tunnel and at the end of it you’ll see the lights and buildings and the beauty of Subic, what I’m trying to say here is that your journey will never be as wonderful as you would expect it to be, at first it will be a lot of ups and downs ..and downs,but really at the end of the day you’ll see that *say this with me* IT’S ALL GONNA BE WORTH IT!!!
Let go!. Let go of all your fears and your negative thoughts.Start being optimistic, and listen to feel good music, and surround yourself with a really really good company.If you’ve failed a test, it’s okay to cry and thought about it all day and after that , breathe pray and let go of it and try your best next time.
Have Faith! ahhh finally the last stage of my mantra.After you did all those efforts, offer everything to God Have Faith and He will provide all your needs , He will see your hearts desire.He listens.Trust me, I remember we were having a quiz in Clinical Microscopy,I reviewed the chapter during the weekends,And once I received the paper, I am so happy because I know the answers, but there was this certain item that I forgot,one freaking item and i forgot!! I kept digging about the answer in my brain and I cant find it then I told God that “Lord this is my last quiz, my last shot, please help me , please give me the answer” then boom OH MY GOOD LORD, as in right in that moment I remembered it ahhhhhh I felt so goood. He listens, He provides.If you got what you want thank Him, If not, still, thank him and yupp Have Faith!!
I still have a lot to share and talk about but, I still have a quiz tomorrow at 2’oclock in the afternoon wish me luck.
while your reading my post , please listen to the song that inspired me to write about this.
I feel good today.:)
1. SINALANG KAMI SA ISANG MALAKING MUNDO NG HUNGER GAMES
Pumasok kami sa isang program na akala namin, medyo mahirap lang ng konti ang mga aaralin namin kasi medical course nga. AKALA KO LANG PALA. Dun ako nagkami. Nakakaiyak sa hirap tuwing makikita mong pabagsak na yung grades mo at parang gusto nang lumuhod sa professors mo para lang pumasa. O kaya project pandagdag point lang. Pero wala. Hindi ganun yun. SINASABAK KAMI SA ISANG LABAN NA HINDI NAMIN ALAM KUNG MAY PAG ASA KAMING MANALO. Survival of the Fittest ang labanan dito. Matira matibay. Kahit matalino ka, kung tamad ka naman. Oh goodbye my friend. See you next sem!
2. YOU’RE NOT FOREVER ALONE
Kung No Boyfriend/Girlfriend Since Birth ka, aba baka oras na para mag Medtech ka. Bakit? Matututunan mong makielam sa buhay…
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